Imagine if we had Mother’s Month! For thirty days we did nothing but celebrate mothers all around the world. Poor moms, rich moms, white moms, black moms, mompreneurs, soccer moms, lawyer moms, CEO moms, soup kitchen moms.

For thirty days, we would give Octomom and Britney Spears a little kindness. And those folks who have built careers (or at least a half-dozen ass-blogs) bashing moms could just take a thirty-day vacation.

We just might have a renaissance of the heart – a rebirth of the mother earth that we all come from! That one simple change (I know, Mr. Economic Stimuli, 30 days does seem long…) might possibly lower poverty, bring enemies together, feed the hungry and create real happiness in the hearts of our children.

But, alas – there’s no money in it (even though it would make a good movie).

My mom was a bad mother?

As a child, the parents in my neighborhood often expressed concern over how my mom was raising me and my two brothers. We never participated in after-school sports, were always in need of haircuts and were, in general, a bit troubled by our lives at home.

Was my mother a bad mother? To some she was bad for one simple reason:

She neglected us for seven years…

…or at least that’s what some people perceived.

I remember the day that the blood vessel in my mom’s brain burst wide open. She lay on her back, completely unconscious with her arms seizing up towards the ceiling. My father calmly gathered his keys and wallet – not able to answer my questions about what was happening. My brothers and I were taken into the kitchen while my mom was taken out of the house on a stretcher. We wouldn’t see her for another two months. I was seven then.

When my mom awoke after brain surgery, she was half paralyzed, almost completely blind and had lost the ability to speak. She had no clue what was happening. Seeing that she was desperate to say something, the nurses handed her a pad and pencil. She wrote, “Are my three boys ok?”

After some back and forth, she understood two things:

1. There was no car accident
2. She had a long road ahead of her

For the next seven years, I watched her wage countless battles in order to regain her ability to tell dirty jokes, walk into a doctor’s office and tell him to “fuck off” for the shitty “won’t ever walk” prognosis, and play “Spanish Eyes“ on the piano (the only song she knew – even before the aneurysm).

She cried and laughed. She lost many so-called friends and gained real ones. She fought and won.

And then my father died instantly of an aortic aneurysm, leaving my mom alone to raise three boys.

Blaming vs. Claiming

I was no angel, and for years blamed my mom for the typical issues one complains about in therapy. Although it was good to grieve, blaming her for my unhappiness didn’t seem, well, practical. Everyone has got to move on – at least according to my mom.

Then about ten years ago, something shifted within me. Instead of focusing on what I didn’t get from my mom, I started noticing all of the great qualities that I embodied as a result of her character!

Here’s a short-list (I’ll leave it to you to figure out how they apply to social media):

• Don’t let other people define what’s possible. My mom fired any doctor who cautioned her not to be overly optimistic.
• Get a reason. My mom’s reason was her children and the story she would tell. Find yours.
• Don’t judge someone by their appearances. They have a story.
• Never give up. It’s easier to continue if there’s no plan B.
• Enjoy life. One time when a family friend mentioned that they’ve only lived half their life, my mom joked, “Not if you die tomorrow!”
• Make other people laugh. See previous point.
• Appreciate your obstacles – especially the ones you never saw coming. When you do, you turn poison into medicine.

My mom passed away peacefully in 2002 – ten minutes after telling a nasty joke to a couple of her favorite nurses.

Was she a “Bad Mother“? Fuck no!

Love you (and miss you) mom!

Extend Mother’s day through Monday! Please join Ayelet Waldman (author of “Bad Mother“) and others in a discussion that will surely get people talking. Learn “How to Lay Off Other Moms” tomorrow, May 11 at 11am CST/9 am