Are you tired of “listening”? (file this under bitch-rant)

Posted July 14, 2009
28 Comments

2232951275 4f69b1dee1 Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)

Could one of the most important words in the English language be on the verge of extinction? Will it be lost in the vast white noise I lovingly refer to the “social media conversation about the social media conversation”?

Is there an endangered word list?

For the past few months, I’ve read hundreds of blog posts about “listening with social media”. Maybe you have too. Last count is over 14,800 instances of the exact search phrase. If you don’t believe me, let me Google it for you.

Are we overusing and misusing the word “listening”?

Will we eventually go deaf to the word itself?

We know that listening is not talking, but do we know that listening is not taking?

Many of these articles talk about the tools, tactics and technology for “listening with social media”, but rarely focus on the art of listening. Many of them talk about listening as a way to research a “target market”, or to “uncover potential buyers”. It seems that much of the buzz around “listening” is about take, take take – me, me, me.

But very few of these articles talk about listening and it’s role in developing a relationship.

Bored room jargon

My fear is that after a while, “listening” will become just another word in the glossary section of a marketing text book. And that it will soon be used as a way to impress folks at executive board meetings. And soon after that, we won’t even hear the the freshness of the word – ever again.

bill lumbergh office spage manager Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)“By listening with social media, we’ll really know what resonates with our prospects. If you could start listening, that would be terrific, OK?” (and I’m saying this in my best Bill Lumbergh voice).

Is there a way to keep listening humanistic rather than have it become a mere check box in a social media marketing plan?

Here’s what people on Twitter had to say about listening:

johnhaydon Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)

zanarama Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)

nancylannone Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)

volunteerhoward Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)

franswaa Are you tired of listening? (file this under bitch rant)

Allison Fine in her book, Momentum notes: “Listening requires genuine interest in what that person is saying and a willingness to change as a result of what was said.”

What does it mean to listen with “genuine interest“?

And what’s the negative impact if our listening is not genuine?

Photo by mirsasha
Bookmark and Share
  • Interesting post, one point I'd like to make is that listening is like everything else, it can be used in ways both good and bad. If one is only listening trying to hear certain data, then preconceptions block hearing what you weren't listening for. For listening to be truly valuable for marketing, one has to clear the mind and really 'hear the other person', and find the unlooked for.
  • Excellent point, Roger!
  • riasharon
    Really like your point, Roger. Not only is it challenging to listen but to HEAR... without any baggage that you might be bringing to the moment. Clear the mind! Yes! I like you!

    And John, loving Discus!
  • I like Alison Fine's description of Listening: “Listening requires genuine interest in what that person is saying and a willingness to change as a result of what was said.” Genuine interest and willingness to change. Wow, that's a great summation.

    I think listening in social media requires more than saying "We're listening." It requires the listener to respond in some way and acknowledge what is being said. That means engagement with the talker. How often do people say, "We're listening to what you're saying" in social media and it's meant as a way to ignore talkers, not engage in dialogue with them.
  • So maybe there are two types of listening: Passive and engaged?
  • Listening is great. It teaches you things; grows knowledge; fosters relationships; keeps your ears in training ;-)

    But there's a world of difference between listening and hearing, and an even bigger difference between listening and not acting upon it. Mess up the latter, may as well not listen in the first place.
  • Listening and not acting: Isn't that sometimes called "patronizing"?
  • @Franswaa definitely puts it best. With listening to your community and monitoring what is being said, comes the actionable side. Taking what you heard and doing something about it. Making that change, creating experiences for your customers or community, showing them that you're listening - not just by a verbal response, but by one of action.
  • Actions speak louder than words, they say, right? How companies respond when they screw up says more about them than how they respond when things are fine - wouldn't you say?
  • How can you listen and not hear?

    Listening is sometimes used to describe monitoring. That's an entirely different approach. Monitoring using SEO, looking for mentions etc. is not "listening".

    True listening requires, attention, engagement and response. It's a choice we make to actively do something.
  • "Listening is sometimes used to describe monitoring." - Let's call monitoring, "monitoring" and treat the word listening with reverence! If "monitoring" loses it's spark (does it have spark?), I don't think folks will grieve. If we overuse and misuse "listening", how will our grandchildren respond when their friend asks, "Are you listening to me?"

    On the other hand, it's up to me to keep the word fresh!
  • Great conversation, John!

    Maybe I'm going with an "old school" definition of listening, but sometimes listening is simply. . . listening: giving the other person your full attention, showing a genuine interest in what they are saying, supporting their decisions (or even lack thereof).

    I think that listening and not acting is called patronizing in cases where the listener says that they will take action and don't. Let me flip it for you: have you ever been in a situation where you'd like to talk something through with someone and they keep trying to "solve" your problem for you? They keep throwing ideas and suggestions at you, but what you'd really like is the time to talk it through with someone you trust?

    As attention spans get shorter and shorter the focus on action is increasing. Sometime, with that action piece, the focus comes back to. . . you guessed it: What can I do? What steps can I take? How can I fix this?

    I don't in any way want to minimize action (or to offer excuses to businesses that don't want to listen), but I wanted to include this aspect of listening in the discussion. Based on the situation, I believe that sometimes it's ok to just. . . listen.
  • Your comment reminds me of a story I heard about the Buddha: One day, a woman whose child died came to the Buddha for guidance and support. She was in unbelievable pain - a living hell.

    The Buddha knew there were no words, so he sat with her, listening and embracing her.
  • Remember the movie "Rush Hour" with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker .... this post reminds me of the line:

    "Do you hear the words that are comin' outta my mouth!" (haha, makes me laugh every time)

    Really listening to people is an art that, i believe, is much harder online. You can't look someone in the eyes, ready body language, hear tone or evaluate level of engagement. All you can do online is read text.

    At the end of the day caring about people or wanting to learn from others makes listening online easier. Yea, listen so you can make the sale or get a new customer. But dont forget it's a people game and if all your doing is looking for work sooner or later the social media or online world will figure you out.

    http://twitter.com/franswaa

    (ps. glad to see you went to Disqus John!)
  • Three things I've tried to practice with my online communication are 1) praise people, 2) acknowledge and appreciate what they've said and 3) thank them.
  • sarahrobinson
    Love this conversation John. Someone once told me that listening was a combination of 1) totally focused attention 2) supporting/affirming words and 3) ** ONLY IF ASKED FOR** feedback. Of course that is a non-marketing, non business-y definition because it does leave out the part about taking action on what what's been said.

    In social media I think this is challenging because we only have one dimensional words to go by. So, before we take action, we should probably make sure we interpreted what was said in the right way - and listen some more.

    Glad you started this rant - listening is such a sensitive skill. I would hate to see it relegated to another something to check off the marketing list.
  • Sarah - thanks. I like what you said about "supporting / affirming words".

    What I'm learning through this discussion is that there's a distinction between "monitoring" keywords and listening-engaging with people.
  • tammiejones
    I must admit I had a chuckle that your frustration with the tremendous number of posts on listening inspired yet another listening post. :)

    At the end of the day, I suppose listening just isn't enough. As much as we dislike the date that won't stop talking about himself, we also dislike the one who has absolutely nothing to add. Perhaps what we need to focus on is not so much being a good listener, but being engaging. Listening allows us to identify the people who would be interested in having a conversation, at which point we can start a conversation and lay the groundwork for a longterm relationship.

    Thanks once again for teaching me something new!
  • Tammie - thank *you* for stopping by and adding your piece! I love how you said that we need to "identify the people who would be interested in having a conversation". Social media technology creates a powerful platform for that discovery!
  • I think listening is "hearing without an agenda" i.e. not try to fix it, not trying to data mine it, not trying to profit from it, not trying to establish the guilt of reciprocity from it...

    That's just my take. Thanks for listening!
  • While I think that active listening is mainly focused on engaging - i.e. taking action based on what you "hear" with the speaker, passive listening has its place and engaging with the "speaker" isn't necessarily the end result.

    Listening isn't always about responding to the speaker, sometimes that's not why we're listening. But you're probably listening to take some sort of action, even if it's just internal or personal (i.e. learning). Otherwise, it's just noise.

    Social media allows you to listen. Why you're listening is strategic, not based on the tool or fact that you're using social media to do it.

    I think it's worth looking at online listening from 3 perspectives, each with a different strategic focus/reason, but each legitimate based on that strategy:

    Online Reputation Management - "The process of following online references to a brand, company, person or service while having a plan in place to deal with any negative feedback." http://www.sitepoint.com/blogs/2009/05/20/onlin...

    Competitive Intelligence – "The action of gathering, analyzing, and applying information about products, domain constituents, customers, and competitors for the short term and long term planning needs of an organization." http://www.dynamicintegration.net/competitive_i...

    Active Listening - "The Active Listener gives full attention to listening when another is talking and focuses on what is being said... The active listener becomes directly involved in the communication process." http://www.leadershipletters.com/2003/09/12/lev...
  • Marco - thanks for the additional resources. Indeed, how one approaches listening has everything to with the context. Thanks!
  • stacijshelton
    We forget that being "quiet" is not the same as listening. Listening implies intent to not just hear but understand. That would involve engagement, which means actively listening, clarifying and above all, suspending judgment.

    Great post and awesome thoughts! We're learning as we go.
  • Staci - great summary of what I think a lot of people are saying here.
blog comments powered by Disqus